Love Bites – Claire Hooper

Book Details

Title: Love Bites – 101 Tips for Dating Guys with Fangs

Author: Claire Hooper

Publisher: ABC Books (Sold by HarperCollins Publishers)

Published Date: 17 January 2011

ASIN: B004JHZ4TM

Book purchased by reviewer

Blurb

We know that vampires exist, and that we really, really want one. So how can you score your own gorgeous immortal? And how do you keep a relationship alive when your partner is one of the eternal undead? Claire Hooper has a wealth of experience when it comes to dating guys who can’t go out in sunlight, aren’t suitable to introduce to your parents, and quite possibly have blood on their hands. In Love Bites she shares her insider’s knowledge, taking you from go to whoa to vampire ho by answering questions such as: ‘He’s been around for hundreds of years. Are there any pick-up lines he hasn’t heard?’ ‘I know vampires are really into virgins. Can I just tell him I am one? Or will he read my mind and find out the truth?’ ‘Does aloe vera work on fang holes? I need these ones to clear up fast, cos I have to wear an evening dress to a black-tie event next week.’ ‘If, like you say, he’s watching me when I sleep, does that mean he’s watching me when I pee?’ If it all goes according to plan, you’ll also need to know how to wean him onto animal blood, where to put his coffin, and how to resolve that all-important eternal life question – will you, or won’t you?

Review

So, we all KNOW that vampires exist. They are ridiculously gorgeous (Erik Northman, Angel, and Lestat de Lioncourt to name a few). They have incredible skills of immense speed, super strength, mind control and they can READ YOUR THOUGHTS. Add to that some alluring eyes and old school manners and you have some serious hotness.

They live for centuries, millennia, so they must be more mature and interesting then the local boys, right? Buffy and True Blood have shown us that a relationship can be had with the Undead or Supernatural lover, but what does a girl do when the neck nibbles become more neck BITES?

Claire Hooper steps into the breach with her one of a kind instruction manual Love Bites – 101 Tips for Dating Guys with Fangs. She helps the girls who help themselves to the men of night by providing simple to follow guidelines and answers questions at the tip of all Vamp loving chicks, such as

′I know vampires are really into virgins. Can I just tell him I am one? Or will he read my mind and find out the truth? ′

and

‘If, like you say, he′s watching me when I sleep, does that mean he′s watching me when I pee? ′

Then, of course, how to wean your new love off “the hard stuff” (AKA Human Blood), moving in together, what to do when his mates come to visit and, the eternal life question, will you take the big step – In Undeath Do We Never Part?

Truth be told, I was a little disappointed with this book. For some reason I had the impression that this was a novel, when it is in fact 101 chapters of how to lure and keep a vampire babe. That being said, it is cute idea though I do not think it was executed in the best way.

Each chapter is between one and two pages and each answers one of the “101 Tips”. Hooper draws from many different vampire worlds, including Buffy, True Blood and Twilight to give her advise on surviving the attentions of your vampire boy. I found it very hard to get drawn into this model of writing – It was disjointed and not as addictive as a prose novel. That being said, there are some rather witty sections for those who don’t take their vampire love (or Robert Patterson) too seriously. WARNING TO TWIHARDS – Not your deal, run away.

Claire Hooper is a well-known Australian Comedian (well-known in Australia, anyway). She stars as a team leader on Network Ten’s Good News Week as well as a weekday morning show host of Sydney Radio Station Mix 106.5. Hooper has also starred in the Melbourne International Comedy Festival’s Great Debate (2007).

When reading a book written by a comedian, you need to be ready for a bit of satire, which you do find in Love Bites but I would have loved a bit more. Overall, I found the book a little dull. Not satirical enough to be truly comedic, not serious enough to be taken has a handbook on Vampiric fiction and not engrossing enough for me to read again. Glimpses of greatness can be found but they are not chased through to their potential and you are left with a feeling of being unsatisfied.

Ok for a quick read, on a short flight perhaps, or perhaps for a Vampire obsessed teenager, but lovers of paranormal romance should stay away.

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